richardpriceknit asked: i couldn't get out to the nearest comic store as i am in the midst of a really bad bout of my depression and anxiety >_< so gutted, hoping i will be well enough next week and they will still have it in!
I assume you mean Marvel Knights Hulk and, if so, you’re covered. Marvel always sends me copies so if you have any trouble getting a copy, one of those is yours. If for whatever reason something happens and they don’t, I’ll send you the one I picked up yesterday. I will make sure you get one. So, Hulk-wise, everything’s cool. I got your back.
Depression wise, I hope I can also help. Everyone’s depression manifests differently, but from the way you describe it, it sounds very familiar — the crippling depression where you don’t even want to leave the house, even for something fun. The anxiety that boils, leading to the same. The feeling that it’s all weighing down on you and you alone and no one can understand.
I was diagnosed with clinical depression fairly early on, spending pretty much all of 7th to 12th grade in the state you describe. Its still manifests, sometimes triggered by something or sometimes it’s nothing. Sometimes it passes quickly. Sometimes it seems like it’s going to never end.
But what I can assure you on that it does pass, every time and, more than anything, that you’re not alone. That there are people that are here for you. I’ll tell you right now that if you ever need to talk with someone about it, if you ever need help getting through it, I am here for you. Hit me up. Talk about whatever’s on your mind. My e-mail address is joe at keatinge dot com. Use it any time.
For now, here’s some stuff I feel has helped me out a lot:
1) I can’t stress enough how much professional help, well, helps. Its gotten me through a lot — when things were at their absolute worst they’ve ever been, when I thought I wouldn’t get out. Some people put some odd stigma with it and it boggles my damn mind. Here’s Harvard talking about just how complex of a disease it is. It’s not something to go through alone and I’ll tell you the various psychiatrists, therapists and so on I’ve worked with have helped me tremendously.
2) Matt Fraction recently wrote a post about dealing with depression I found very helpful. His was focused more specifically on suicidal thoughts, but I found it had a lot of helpful advice in general for dealing with depression, when things seem dire.
3) A few years ago I had a particularly heinous bout where I didn’t leave the house for almost a month and digging out a book a friend recommended a book a while back, Touched By Fire: Manic-Depressiveness and the Artistic Temperament by Kay Redfield Jamison, helped tremendously. Like Matt’s post, this book deals with a different manifestation of depression than what you’re describing, but I found it overall really helpful, seeing how creative people deal with depression.
4) Over the years I’ve developed certain rituals that help it pass. Recently I’ve got this folder full of about 100+ Jack Kirby double page spreads I flip through whenever I need to get out of circular thinking. I can send it over to you, if that sounds interesting. Discovering my all-time favorite movie, Harold & Maude, came after a friend recommended it in the midsts of that 7th - 12th grade depression and started my tradition of going out to see a movie when I get bummed. Harold & Maude in specific changed my outlook on life, but I’ve gotten out of many a depression seeing a super shitty movie and being relieved I wasn’t involved. Comic books are always big too — whether it’s Little Nemo in Slumberland or Savage Dragon or Corto Maltese or some issue of What If I loved as a kid or whatever. Good comics go a long way with me. When anxiety in particular kicks in, I’ve found the Late Night trilogy from Louie really helps out. The question it poses that would you pursue what you’re pursuing even if, well, the conclusion it reaches in the episode has always inspired me to keep working harder and pushing through it. There’s more, like these new mono vinyl pressings of Miles Davis records that are some of the most beautiful audio you can put to your ears.
Anyway, I hoped this helped in some way and, as I said, I’m available any time to talk if you need to talk further.
Don’t ever be a stranger.
You are not alone.